Soul talk
But....
I still have to get tested every 6 months and live with the fear of cancer...
My mum had breast cancer at the age of 51...So that adds one more burden on my shoulders...
I feel like crap to be honest..
On one hand, I'm so happy that there is nothing seriously wrong with me...On the other hand, I'm so tired...:-(
I feel that everything is going wrong...It's like I'm drowning and nobody can hear me screaming for help..
Everyone is next to me..but I feel so alone..
It's like I'm talking and nobody understands...
I've had stress attacks for a year now..I felt dizzy all the time, my stomach ached, i had terrible headaches, my heart beat soo fast i thought it would break, i was sweaty one second and cold at the next..
The result was i gained 20 pounds, i was afraid to get out of my house, i couldn't sleep at night, i was afraid to drive, i was afraid to drink anything with caffeine, or go to a place where there was no doctor nearby...
Everyone was just telling me to calm down, that there is no reason to be so anxious, that i should get out of the house, have some fun, start going to the gym...Why couldn't anybody understand that i wanted to do alll these things but i just couldn't??? It was over my power to..
Why don't we have a person in our lives that can understand us without having to talk...??
I so much need this....
Good night world...
xoxo
B.
We hadn't met yet when you wrote this, and I makes me wish we had! I would have loved to lend you a listening ear! Many years ago I myself had thoughts of going to die and fear of being on my own, with the rapid heartbeats etc., and no-one to talk to. In my case I discovered by myself that is was the stress build-up of working much too hard, so I cut that down and soon also calmed down. Mental stress reacted by giving my body warning signals.
Two years on and you are healthy but still in a far to stressfull situation! Watch for the warning signs!!! xxx